101 The Bells of St John

This is the one where the Doctor gets a tech support call from Clara and saves her from being uploaded into the wifi by the Great Intelligence.

Live from Master Closet Studios, you’re listening to the only podcast on the internet that keeps bumping into the Doctor: it’s the Noobs and the Whovian! 

My name is Austin and I’m the Whovian, and these are my sons Corbin and Tripp and we’re the noobs!

This is the podcast that introduces a whole new generation to Doctor Who by watching an episode each week and discussing it from the perspective of a dad who’s seen it before, and two sons who haven’t. 

Welcome to Episode 101 covering the Series 7 mid-season premiere: The Bells of St. John. 

This is the one where the Doctor gets a tech support call from Clara and saves her from being uploaded into the wifi by the Great Intelligence.

Production notes

  • Story # 232
  • Originally aired March 30, 2013 to 8.44 million viewers
  • Written by: Steven Moffat
  • Directed by: Colm McCarthy
    • Did some Sherlock and Black Mirror
    • This is his only Doctor Who to date

Misc Trivia

  • New suit! The purple cashmere with black bow tie is new, he actually physically retired the old one in the TARDIS.
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Noobs and the Whovian is brought to you by R5 Website Management. Get world-class hosting, domain registration, and security at a great price. Use the code “noobs” at checkout for 15% off your entire order.


  • Name of the episode spoken in dialogue?
    • yes!
  • Creature of the week
    • The Great Intelligence
      • He cares for humanity. In fact, he can’t get enough of them. Nobody loves cattle like Burger King.
    • Mrs. Kizlet
      • She is the saddest character in this episode. “You’ve been whispering in my ear so long I almost don’t remember what I was before.” Factory reset, and she’s a little girl again.
  • Hats
    • The fez!
  • Jiggery Pokery
    • Sonic
    • TARDIS 
      • I was in the neighborhood, on my mobile phone. When you say that why did you point at that blue box? Because it’s a surprisingly accurate description.
      • Why do you have that box? Is it like a snogging booth? Is that what you do, you bring a box? There’s such a thing as too keen.
      • It’s a time machine, you never have to wait for breakfast!
      • The TARDIS apparently has a garage.
    • Psychic paper
    • Random
      • He “hacked” her back
      • Why does he lick everything?! I mean, I LOVE that he does, but why?!
        • Corbin: What did you determine by licking that leaf?
        • Tripp: That a dog peed on it.
      • He optimized the photosynthesis in the garden and invented the quadricycle!
  • The Question/Doctor Who?
    • Clara x 3
    • I never realized how much I enjoy hearing that out loud.
  • Termy-wermy
    • Would a victory roll be too showy-offy?
  • Jammie Dodger sighting
    • A whole pack!
    • Running count – 4

Other stuff we noticed

  • It’s 1207. I’ve got half past 3, am I calling a different time zone? Yeah, you really sort of are. Will it show up on the bill? I dread to think!
  • RYCBAR123
  • The book Summer Falls was written by Amelia Williams.

Who’s Who? 

  • Who is Clara Oswald?
    • Clara Oswin Oswald! Just Clara Oswald, what was that middle one?
    • She’s a governess again
    • Are you an alien? I am, yes, ok with that? Yeah, fine. I think I’m fine.
    • I need a username. Clara Oswald for the win. OSWIN!
    • She doesn’t run out on the people she cares about.
    • Come back tomorrow and ask me again.
  • Who is The Doctor?
    • I’m an alien from outer space, I’m a thousand years old, I have two hearts, and I CAN’T FLY A PLANE!
    • I can’t tell the future, I just work there.
    • You know what I always say about plans? I don’t have one.
    • It’s a time machine, any time works…

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Classic Who Connection

  • In the serial The Android Invasion the Fourth Doctor reprogramed a replica of himself to defeat the Kraals
  • In the TV movie Doctor Who, a policeman drives into the open TARDIS on a motorcycle, freaks out, turns around and drives out of the TARDIS.
  • The Great Intelligence…again.
  • Two hearts/fez
  • Short trips are hard to do in the TARDIS. This goes clear back to 1969 with the Second Doctor in The Seeds of Death and is also mentioned by the Fourth Doctor in State of Decay
  • The First Doctor disguised himself as a monk in The Time Meddler which is also one of two serials where the Doctor meets an evil Time Lord called The Monk. The other serial was The Daleks Master Plan which was also the First Doctor.
    • The Monk and the Doctor were friends on Gallifrey and he escaped Gallifrey in a Mark IV TARDIS around 50 years after the Doctor, but his intent was not to explore, it was to intentionally mess with time for his own enjoyment. It was thanks to The Monk that the First Doctor first got a directional unit for the TARDIS. The Doctor stole it from The Monk’s Mark IV TARDIS but it was only partially compatible, so it exploded upon use.

Overall impressions 

  • Overall rating out of 10 – 
    • Jared – 7.5 empty back of heads staring into the wifi
    • Austin – 8 Shards
    • Corbin – 8 fezi
    • Tripp – 8.5 osWINS!
  • Creep Level – out of 500
    • Jared – 200
    • Austin – 200
    • Corbin – 50
    • Tripp – 76


  • Tripp has nothin.
  • Corbin says Clara is a ghost

The Game Plan 

  • Next week, we continue with Series 7 with episode 7: The Rings of Akhaten.
  • In a few weeks, after episode 9, we’ll do our next Timey Wimey: Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. Hopefully our plans don’t get derailed. Bill & Ted Face the Music is slated to come out on August 21, so hopefully either the theaters are back open then, or they release it to streaming like so many other movies this year have had to do.


Noobs and the Whovian is a production of Master Closet Studios, where it’s always smaller on the inside. Your Senior Producer is Austin Reason. Our Audio Engineer is Tripp Reason. Corbin Reason is our Production Editor. Special thanks to tardis.wikia.com for the trivia, and to Jared for the Classic Who Connection. Shout outs to Victor and Jared for their Patreon support.

You can find us at facebook.com/noobsandthewhovian or twitter.com/noobswhovian and email us at [email protected]. Consider supporting us at https://www.patreon.com/noobsandthewhovian. Please subscribe and leave a rating wherever you found us, and share us with a friend not because we’re a great show but because we watch one.